worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
