It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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