Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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