he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
