My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
