That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
