Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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