Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
