Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
