You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The adults are the big ones right?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
