I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
