I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
