My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
