Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
