so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
