I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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