I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Can i not drive my cunt home
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize