Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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