look no pants
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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