Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
