Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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