Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
