I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Randomize
