We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
