ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
