Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
where are my eyebrows?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
