your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
