The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
