In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
