I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
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