Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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