I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Is it penis luge time yet?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just forgot I was standing up.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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