Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
