real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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