playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
