i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
