Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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