Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
