Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
