I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
