giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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