Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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