She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
