drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
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We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize