We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
i've created a new STD.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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