we're blogging at a bar
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
