I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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