I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
