You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
