It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
