giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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