He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize