Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
