Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
