just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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