I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
