erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.