Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.