There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
