You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
