i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.