Texts From Last Night

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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand

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  (704): it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand http://tfl.nu/nxpy
  Replies (24) Good night (2859) Bad night (592)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.

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  (225): I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along. http://tfl.nu/uoya
  Replies (24) Good night (3281) Bad night (685)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life

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  (856): We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life http://tfl.nu/wuon
  Replies (12) Good night (3794) Bad night (645)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.

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  (785): Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk. http://tfl.nu/cv1z
  Replies (45) Good night (7802) Bad night (893)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?

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  (813): So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell? http://tfl.nu/9wrt
  Replies (37) Good night (6588) Bad night (1974)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz

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  (740): I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz http://tfl.nu/789h
  Replies (10) Good night (2087) Bad night (1008)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.

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  (602): You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger. http://tfl.nu/mosc
  Replies (4) Good night (2113) Bad night (832)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.

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  (248): Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby. (248): There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction. http://tfl.nu/82qp
  Replies (5) Good night (2657) Bad night (1003)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.

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  (972): I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me. http://tfl.nu/5z1z
  Replies (3) Good night (2118) Bad night (715)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself

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  (303): It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself http://tfl.nu/u3l5
  Replies (6) Good night (760) Bad night (1986)
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.

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  (559): I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives. http://tfl.nu/x41u
  Replies (6) Good night (1902) Bad night (736)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.

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  (608): The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee. http://tfl.nu/13nr
  Replies (3) Good night (2246) Bad night (505)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.

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  (208): I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise. http://tfl.nu/iv1d
  Replies (2) Good night (1170) Bad night (349)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.

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  (717): She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious. http://tfl.nu/pknw
  Replies (1) Good night (547) Bad night (575)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.

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  (406): Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve. http://tfl.nu/3mfl
  Replies (1) Good night (474) Bad night (94)

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