We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.