I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm