Texts From Last Night

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  (817): View more from Texas

  you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag

  (817): View more from Texas

  could you get any more awkward?

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  (817): you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag (817): could you get any more awkward? http://tfl.nu/636d
  Replies (8) Good night (1208) Bad night (4503)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair

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  (513): I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair http://tfl.nu/zl2m
  Replies (35) Good night (4801) Bad night (882)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex

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  (336): and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex http://tfl.nu/hs2b
  Replies (23) Good night (6544) Bad night (1168)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.

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  (717): Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something. http://tfl.nu/o9mn
  Replies (11) Good night (3688) Bad night (973)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.

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  (250): I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk. http://tfl.nu/hrak
  Replies (4) Good night (3419) Bad night (902)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.

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  (781): Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave. http://tfl.nu/vplg
  Replies (21) Good night (852) Bad night (5695)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.

  (1-316): View more from Kansas

  I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.

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  (316): Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend. (1-316): I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome. http://tfl.nu/5svt
  Replies (2) Good night (850) Bad night (1120)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.

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  (+44): I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring. http://tfl.nu/y78v
  Replies (8) Good night (666) Bad night (1362)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.

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  (604): So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer. http://tfl.nu/mgaz
  Replies (2) Good night (2054) Bad night (435)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.

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  (225): You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness. http://tfl.nu/h6eg
  Replies (5) Good night (497) Bad night (998)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.

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  (+44): He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits. http://tfl.nu/wm8o
  Replies (15) Good night (3689) Bad night (871)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?

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  (716): Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back? http://tfl.nu/1bv2
  Replies (0) Good night (412) Bad night (186)
• Favorite

  (639): View more from

  you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka

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  (639): you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka http://tfl.nu/zfyr
  Replies (1) Good night (581) Bad night (247)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.

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  (440): being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day. http://tfl.nu/9xbm
  Replies (5) Good night (708) Bad night (281)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.

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  (360): Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies. http://tfl.nu/t27r
  Replies (2) Good night (413) Bad night (306)

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