TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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