Acid is not a monday night drug
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
