I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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