It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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