Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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