By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
