You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
