After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
