Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
