I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
